Being Selfish, Being You

"Selfishness" is becoming over-rated. It either feels too good to be selfish, and gets to your head, or you start having pangs of guilt after a particularly selfish session. Funny thing is that, most of the time we are ready to admit that we are selfish. Its good to be honest, but i dint know it was good to be selfish too! Ok i do know. It feels really good. And in 'today's world' you've got to be selfish. You've got to put yourself first. You've got to make yourself happy. But this 'being selfish' has gone to such an extent that, most of the  people, who admit that they are selfish, use the fact that they are admitting it as an excuse to do mean selfish things. You get the difference? There is 'being selfish' and then there is 'being mean and selfish'. Two totally different things, which people conveniently call as 'BEING SELFISH'. Just because they are honestly admitting that 'Yes i am selfish' or 'Yes i am a hypocrite'.

There are very few 'honest selfish people' in this world, and i'd like to think am one among them. Am selfish. Yes. But i don't use that as an excuse to do something that i shouldn't or to hurt someone whom i shouldn't. Its hard to make certain choices, its hard to cut off some people or habits or luxuries from your life. But you do it. Either for your sake or for someone else's sake. But now-a-days i see people being selfish to the point of no return! I know them, but i have no idea who they have become or why. People change, circumstances and situations change them, some just change for no reason at all, but its still change. And that too when its sudden and drastic and mean-selfish, its bound to shock you.

Ahhh.. well... it bothers you but not for long! You know what they say...

If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears. Cesare Pavese 

And i prefer to travel super fast! ;)

Moving on! Are you tired of red yet? It seems these days, red is the only colour that i wear! Am quite liking bright colours these days and it feels nice. A welcome change from all the blacks and light colours that usually attract me!
Look of the Day:

p. s - I turned 24 today! (Still feels like 20!) All in all, it was a good birthday and a great day! :)

Red Pants - Mango
Tee - Borrowed (permanently) from BFF
Belt & Bangle - Local Boutique
Bag - Street shopping, Bangalore
Shoes - Soles 

p.p.s - Many of you are not aware that i have a facebook page. Understandable, because I myself keep forgetting that i have one! I decided to make better use of that page (apart from the regular blog updates). So do follow if you are interested! Ill be posting stuff that i DONT post on the blog (I don't want it to be repetitive).

Marriage and the colour red.. anything common?

Am touching up on one of the most potent subjects here - love marriage vs arranged marriage. Now i really want to slap that person who inserted that 'vs' in between those two. Why make something beautiful into a war? Why should one win and the other fail? It was one of the topics i totally detested whenever it came up in debates or JAM sessions in school and college.

I dont understand why our generation(with a few exceptions) think that arranged marriages 'are not for them' and will not work, and why the older generation(again with a few exceptions) thinks that love marriages are wrong and kids dont know any better. I've seen both kinds work and fail. Why cant people forget about those two preceding words and just concentrate on the latter word. Marriage. What makes a marriage work? Forget whether its love or arranged. 

You dig up excuses just to support your prejudice against whichever one - love or arranged. And one fine day you'll fall into the ditch of excuses you were so busy digging and yet failed to notice.
In the end it all comes down to the level of comfort, trust, honesty and communication that you have with each other. And if you dont have those things, nothing and no one can help you. Be it love or arranged!

Am no expert on this subject, considering am not married nor am i going to be any time soon! But every single person whom i know, seems to be getting hitched and these words of wisdom had to flow from my mouth :P

Moving on, i finally have time to pen down a post (Quite obvious by now eh?). Am i blogging regularly enough for you guys? Is someone taking my attendance? (pssst... anyone giving me proxies?). I can blog every single day too but that will be a bit too much to take for you all! ;)

Look Of The Day:
Most of the time my dressing is very simple. I don't prefer big brands or fancy stuff... Just a few favourite pieces. And that works just fine :) Especially for meeting friends, having some pizza and taking pics!

Return of the Random Ramblings

1. I have a splitting headache right now. Which is weird because am one of those lucky persons who rarely gets headaches. Does sleep make it go away?

2. I have a few outfit posts lined up but i do not feel like posting them right now.

3. I was lying down on the bed, with books strewn all around me (Attempts at studying), thinking about where my life was heading, and at the same time trying to balance a pencil on my nose which almost poked me in the eye. Clear example of 'tired-and-weird me'

4. My hand is aching again and according to the doctor the only cure is surgery. Wahhhhh! :(
Actually am not too worried. Its nothing serious or urgent. Its just a pain to not be able to lift anything or put pressure on the wrist at all.

5. Weekend is here. But its stopped making a difference to me now. Am busy on weekdays and weekends. Bummer.

Anyway enough about me, How are you? Okay back to me.

6. Am selfish. Aren't we all? No? Yes? Make up your mind!!!!

7. Its not like me to be this dull. Am 200% sure that this post is not even going to bring a smile out of you. Imagine a zombie sitting in front of a laptop and typing and talking in a dull low monotone. Yep thats me.

9. Two laptops and one desktop. Not ONE of them is in proper working condition. What are the odds? Am still trying to decide which i need to throw from my first floor balcony.

8. I need a vacation. Just when its impossible to take a break of any kind, i need want it.
Dream, dream, dream..... Chandana!

Mauritius Beach + Terribly tanned feet = Good times :)

A few more mentions!

The weather has been absolutely divine since the start of June. There is no torrential downpour as yet, but its been pleasant and breezy with occasional rain almost everyday(Do i sound like a weather report?). One part of the world is complaining that it feels like Autumn, another part says its stifling hot but right now, right here its perfect :) Jealous yet? Don't be. It wont be long before the second summer is back. Unfortunately i can't say that i've been making the most of this wonderful weather. This week has been crazy. It's running. No, its flying. Its barely even there! Am exhausted already.. and i still have 2 months of the same hectic routine to manage.

This is going to be another of those 'Thank You' posts. Yes the continuation of the longest 'Thank You' that is going to be said in blogging history! Also Nidhi from Anything but Ordinary was sweet enough to ask me to do a guest post for her blog. You can check it out HERE.

And now,
Her writing reminds me of my own in so many ways! Its fun, to the point with a generous dose of humour(am i praising you or myself? :P) I love reading her blog.. you can't help but chuckle! Although she's pretty new on my followers list.. she's already made her way into the 'favourites'! She's a chocolate obsessed, coffee lover and i look forward to sharing a cup of coffee with you someday! Thanks for all the love! :)

The first thing that attracted me to her blog was the name. And she is as unique and mystical as the name suggests! She calls the stuff she reads as weird but i find it extremely interesting. If you are on the look out for a blog that is totally different from every other blog you have visited, then you wont be disappointed! I love the way she writes... very creative and enchanting! (Read her Soul Mates Series and you will NOT be disappointed!).

Well well well... where do i start with you Mister? His cheeky comments leave me half amused and half exasparated. But his comments and his posts both make me think. And i mean some 'serious thinking'. He has a way with words. They just flow effortlessly, like a never ending stream! To say that i like reading his comments and posts would be an understatement. I totally look forward to it! (Am sure you've got a question or two to ask me by now?). All kidding aside, thanks for following and thanks for the support :)

Be back with more later! :)

The High Heel Story!

Contrary to how i look poised and photogenic (or so some say! ;) ) in pictures, my day-to-day life seems to suggest otherwise! Am pretty clumsy in real life and i dont know why so many people keep asking me if am a trained dancer because i 'walk gracefully'. That is far, far very far away from the truth. My feet have a mind of their own, and they tend to move in opposite directions... never together! Am not kidding! I have no other valid explanation as to why i keep bumping my toes into everything on their path!

I bump, into doors, tables, other people's feet (If there was someone who bumped into your foot, specifically and only  your foot in a crowded mall, that was probably me.. sorry!), i trip on stairs, i trip even on the most even and plain surface possible. And you know what, am not even sure i know how to run. I used to run as a kid but now i don't remember. Jogging is ok but running literally sends my legs running all over the place. They zig zag and i can never run in a straight line.

And the last time i stepped on a Wii Fit plus balance board, it said my sense of balance was as good as a 50 year old! This was one of the reasons why i was always terrified of heels. I loved them but was always wary of trying. So you can imagine my shock (and everybody else's) when i was super comfortable the very first time i tried heels(years back!). No bumping, no tripping, not even a slight wobble. Basically nothing even remotely embarrassing happened and it has been so ever since!

Also coming from a family of doctors and health-conscious people, i was always told the side effects of wearing high heels.. back pain and strain on the feet and blah blah. If i ever try on heels while shopping with my mom, she looks at me like am stepping onto a mine field rather than a nice strappy pair of heels. Its almost as if she is expecting me to fall flat on my butt on my very first step! And in-spite of proving her wrong she still gives me a little frown whenever i wear anything above 2 or 3 inches.

And for that very reason am indulging in some high heel shopping this weekend! Mom consider it an advance birthday gift from your side ;)

Look of the Day :
No new outfits, so i dug up a few old ones which i never posted on the blog!

Look 1 : Off to Office!

Which do you like? Tucked in with a belt? Or un-tucked with a scarf?

Jeans - Levis
Shirt and Belt - Local boutique
Shoes - Inc 5.
Chain - Some shop in Ooty! Yes! Bought it when i was a kid!

Look 2.

I think this was sometime last winter, hence the tights! 

Tights - Street shopping in Florence
Skirt - (Dress worn as skirt) Globus
Tee - Gift
Boots - Bata

When the going gets tough, the tough get going!

My life is about to move on from 'boring' to 'super busy'. Am happy because its time i move out of my comfort zone!

I have a lot to do. I have to start studying again! Feels so weird.... I almost forgot what it feels like to sit in a classroom and try not to doze of :P . Am just preparing for a few exams and i seriously hope i have the time and energy to read. *fingers crossed*. All you kids who are in college or have just passed out of college, shower me with studying tips! Although i know what you would say..  read a day before the exam. Sometimes an hour or so before the exam. That worked pretty well for me in college, but its not going to happen now!

Moving on to the actual stuff, its been 10 months since i started blogging. All this while this blog was the only consistent good thing in my life, while everything else has been topsy-turvy. I don't talk much about my work or personal life here, so all i can say is that when everything else was falling apart and changing and then mending... this was one constant source of entertainment and support for me. I've changed a lot because of my blog and the constant support of some very special people and i believe i've changed for the better :)

I want to specially thank a few people for all their love and support and honest feedback. So i thought i'd do this one at a time. I don't just want to post a bunch of links here and say a 'thank you' because you guys deserve a lot more than that. So be happy that you are getting featured here for free! ;)
(Please bear in mind that this is in no particular order! I din't want to crowd everyone's names in one post thats all!)

Maithili from One Such Story has been an avid reader of my blog. She loves writing just like me :) although she is wayyyy better than me! She relates to most of my posts, writes whatever comes to her heart, has an amazing imagination (You should read her Unknown Intensions series and you'll know what i mean!) and i always always look forward to her comments on my blog! So thank you Maithili and i look forward to seeing you on my blog and also reading yours!

Raji from What Raj Wants has been following my blog for a long time now! She's fun and sweet and pretty and her posts make me laugh! She writes about everything under the sun right from music, and her friends to snippets from her exciting London life all with a dash of humour. She is the only one who has given me the most sensible advice about my 'birthday blues' until now which was 'You don't have to be excited for your birthday as long as everyone else around you is!'. So true Raji! Thanks for sticking along with me and my blog! :)

Look of the day :
This jacket/cardigan was something i bought against my better judgement. It was one of those things which i loved when i saw it in the shop and hated when i came out and resigned myself to the fact that i would never be wearing it. But after pairing it with this outfit, i loved it! It look bright and adds a fun touch to the outfit!

Jacket -Topshop
Yellow lace tank - Topshop
Trousers - Too old to remember!
Shoes - Rubi shoes

Have a lovely weekend! Mine's going to be super busy!

The Epic Umbrella and Belt Trick

When did the world move on from the word 'awesome' to 'epic'? Because am still saying awesome and i think awesome is awesome. Did i miss something? Some top secret meeting where they decided that awesome is not enough to describe our epic lives and epic is a word which is awesome-er than awesome? I guess i missed it. My bad! I remember when i was in school , every two weeks a new word would be used and discarded. 'Cool' was included in every sentence. Then it turned into 'Kool' and 'Kewl' which by the way, i just hated! Both! Luckily i don't remember many of them!

Now everywhere i see 'Epic life', 'Epic moment', 'Epic dress'... Poor awesome got left behind. Kids these days, i tell you... they come up with the most unusual slang words. I sound like your granny? I know. Its the birthday month acting up. I tend to have a few oh-my-god-am-growing-old-and-i-have-no-way-to-stop-it! blues on some days. Nothing to worry... once a few gifts make their way into my hands everything magically disappears!

So do you guys know anything about the Umbrella and Belt trick? You wouldn't because i invented it. And its a great invention. You'll soon know why.

This is my favourite, most comfortable summer dress because its cheap because its nice and pretty and i love the colour. Its perfect for sitting at home and eating lots and lots of mangoes (its stretchable at the waist) and watching a lot of tv. So i decided that this was going to go on my blog. Yep those are my reasons. A fashionista can have any reason she wants - Thats rule #124345.

The umbrella and the belt which i added specifically for the photos was to distract you guys from the fact that i dint comb my hair and that am in my ugly comfy pink strapped flip flops that i wear at home. Great trick or what!!!! I was too lazy to wear shoes just for the pics. TOTALLY justified... right? I figured strutting around with an umbrella and some  oh-la-la expressions would work.

But then i chided myself for setting such a bad bad example to all those wanna-be divas reading my blog and decided to go get some real shoes. (or maybe be because the damm umbrella dint make in the picture). By then i knew i'd anyway messed it up and, shoes or no shoes... this was not going to work! So i gave my sweetest genuine smile, took a last couple of pictures and voila! Ok still nothing. I get it. The lighting got screwed up in the last two pictures again. I hate you sun! Especially when you play hide-and-seek with the clouds.

Am awesome when am me!

I got the most loveliest award yesterday (or was it the day before?) from Confessions of the Chocolate Obsessed! The first thing i did when i saw it was to burst out laughing . I never considered my blog as 'hot' :P. Needless to say, it made my day. Put a huge smile on my face on MONDAY! Its a big deal.. i know! So thank you thank you thank you! If not me, at least my blog is being considered HOT. I could live with that!

Also i've been horrible at commenting on most of your blogs and replying to your comments, and even visiting all the new blogs. Am not spending much time in front of the computer so am losing track of which ones i've visited and commented on. Spending less time on the internet causes memory loss. Hence proved. So help me out by just dropping a comment saying 'How dare you not visit my blog!!!!' or you could just say 'Please visit mine :)'. Its more polite. Don't forget the smiley. Am very particular!

I know what you are thinking. One day she writes serious, touching, heart-breaking stuff and the next day its this. How does she do it?  There is no end to my awesomeness i tell you! You can learn a lot from me.. so stick around!

And i finally saw Kung Fu Panda -2. It is a brilliant brilliant movie. Makes we wish i had taken up animation when i had the chance. I think there's still a chance! Am going to learn Kung Fu. Decided! Anyone with me?
My wrist is still aching (Thank you for asking). Am typing with my left hand and its annoyingly tough to do so!
So.... thats it! I've nothing else to say... except for..............

Look Of the Day :

Jeans - Levis
Top - Miss Lee
Chain and bracelet - Diva (Sydney)
Shoes - Inc 5.

A touching story

Am supposed to be on a blogging break, rather a break from anything involving typing or any kind of stress to my hand but i just had to write this post and let it all out of my system.

I have been following the blog  Not a girl, not yet a woman , written by Patrice for a while now. Her sister Anna was suffering from cancer since November 19, 2009. Before i go any further let me tell you that even after a lot of treatments and after spending two years almost entirely in the hospital, she dint make it. She passed away on June 8, 2011.

It feels like I have been through the whole ordeal along with Patrice (through her blog). Her sister's chemo sessions, the anguish that she and her parents went through. The fear of whether they would seeing her the next morning every time they entered the hospital. The painful procedures, her sister's constant positive outlook, everything. Although i can never compare it to what their family actuallly went through, i have definitely felt like i was a part of it along with a million others who have decided to be a part of it and support them.

The moment i read the title of her post today 'The post i never wanted to write' i knew it. I knew what it was going to be about.  Anna had passed away after being sick for a long time.

It seemed absurd to me that after reading this post i was going to go out have lunch and catch a movie with my friends. Like nothing had ever happened. But what else could i do? Life doesnt stop for anyone. Just because Anna's life ended doesn't mean my life has stopped or her parent's life or her sister's, although it might feel like that. Death is one thing that is most certain. One thing that is going to happen to each one of us for sure. One thing that has been happening since millions of years and so you'd think you'd be prepared for it.  But no. Its still takes you by surprise. Its still a shock.

I never commented on her blog or posts, except for maybe one or two times. I dint know what to say that the rest of them weren't already saying. I dint know how to help. Not just Anna, but there are so many millions suffering from cancer and other life threatining diseases whom we cannot help. We cannot reach out every single person. At least not alone. At times like these, every little 'problem' in my life seems so trivial, silly and stupid. But what can we do? We deal with whatever life throws at us. My problems may not be the same as Anna's but they are problems none the less and I deal with them.

Anna's story really touched my heart. Maybe because Patrice is such a brilliant writer and a wonderful sister. The way she writes makes you feel like you next to her, talking and living with them. Everything she writes about herself and Anna, the kind of relationship she shared with her sister, Anna's likes and dislikes, about their childhood, is so warm and touching. Anna dint deserve it. She was young, and so pretty and had so many things to do in life.

Their family had also started a site called I read a note there about how Anna dint want people wearing black at her Memorial service and Funeral Mass. She wanted it to be a celebration. And the note ended saying that her favourite colour was purple. And i knew that i would be wearing purple today for my own selfish reasons. I live on a totally different continent from them. They wont know that i decided to honour Anna's request. It wont make much difference to them or maybe it will. Maybe it would make a difference to Anna wherever she is.

She was only 18 years old.

p.s - Do check out the blog here.

I can read your mind!

Another week comes to an end.. already! Boohoo! The weeks are flying by all of a sudden and i still have got a zillion things to do. Bad news is that i kind of sprained both my wrist and ankle at the same time. I say kind of because, the pain is doing a vanishing act every other day. So am not sure if its a sprain or my hand telling me enough with the blogging! I decided to give some rest to my wrist by keeping myself away from the pc. Even handling the mouse and keyboard is uncomfortable. Rest to my wrist, rest to my wrist, rest to my wrist.... say it faster! I did and it sounds all funny...! And my ankle... i think i twisted it. I don't remember and i don't know if i should continue my walking and exercising.

The other day Tanvi from The Fabulous Life Of Not-so-rich and Infamous raised the topic of "bloggers being in the public eye". Interesting topic and i thought quite a lot about it. During my initial days of blogging it was just my parents and a couple of friends who read my blog, so i dint think about privacy at all. As i started gaining followers(much to my disbelief), things changed. The moment i had a new follower, i would go 'Why do they want to read what i write?' 'What am i supposed to write now that they are reading?'
Yes you can call me paranoid. I wont hit you, i promise! I was apprehensive about sharing both my thoughts and snippets from my life and pictures.... the whole deal!

In real life,  i dont open up and talk to a person in the very first meeting. I take my time and its only after i feel that the other person is on the 'same wavelength as me' that i start blabbering. But how do i do that on my blog!?? Which is why some people felt like i was being a totally different person on my blog! I write as i would write or talk to by best and closest friend. Few of my relatives and friends have got to see a whole new side of me on my blog, One avatar in real life and another on the blog. Well Boo you! It shows we were not on the 'same wavelength' so obviously you dint know everything about me! Am sure this is the same case with most people(please say yes). We dont share everything with everyone(includes Blog) unless we are comfortable with everyone.

But funnily, since i dint have a way to judge a person or check wavelengths for that matter, while blogging, i automatically started being ME. The whole real ME. And because of this am being ME in real life too, regardless of the situation or old aquaintance or a stranger or anyone for that matter. Dont get me wrong! I never put up a fake personality, i just took my own sweet time to open up to people. Thats just the way i am... or was? Its not like i completely changed from being "intitially reserved" to being..err... whatever is the opposite of it. Its not like i go about talking about my life with every person i meet BUT i've stopped giving it as much thought as i used to give it before. So....what does this mean? I dont know, but i thought i'd share this facinating discovery with you all!

If you were not facinated, well Boo you again! Read it once more! Or you could move on to my outfit.

Belt - UK
Skirt - SES(Australia)
Top- kurti worn as a top(Westside)
Shoes- ?? dont remember!

I don't prefer wearing pencil skirts or bandage dresses because (i feel) it makes me look too thin and too tall. Some would say this is exactly WHY i should wear them! I think i decided that i don't care or that i din't look too bad.... so here i am! Is it just me or does my nose look huge? Oh well!

Oh Life! Where art thou?

Life is getting pretty dull and boring all of a sudden. I wonder why my life is resembling a sine wave. For those who dont know what that means.. it looks like this.

Am either having an absolutely amazing time or not at all. There seems to be no 'in between'. Only highs and lows. And this roller coaster ride is taking its toll on me! The only consistent good thing is my blog. I've also been meaning to start another painting since so long, but i just cant seem to summon the energy required. I blame it all on summer. Grr...! And my last tiny bit of creativity too seems to have gone on an extended holiday. Why else would i be posting pictures of sine waves? 

Another dreaded thing is that this month is my birthday. Me and birthdays - don't get along! Don't be shocked. Its not like i dont like my birthday, i used to love it when i was younger, but now i don't get hyper and excited about it like all the other girls (and boys) my age (and every other age) do. I don't wait for it all year long, nor do i start planning months in advance. Mostly it is to do with the fact that consecutively, for the last five years, something or the other has happened that has messed up my plans on my birthday. Eventually i just started looking at it as just another day. Nothing to go ga-ga over. And it works just fine for me! People around me kept saying its an "age thing" , but i see people much older and younger than me going crazy at the very mention of birthdays. I have nothing against them.. its good to see people look forward to it and enjoy something immensely. But its just not for me. I don't really like all the attention being on me. Nor do i like cake being smeared all over my face. Gifts - well thats a totally different issue. Now that part i totally love! 

But this time i thought i'd do something different. What i would really really  love is to get a tattoo (I've been planning since the past one year) but then i would face a serious possibility of getting kicked out of the house, so thats ruled out for now ;). Thought of taking a short trip with friends, which is also one long postponed plan, thanks to our busy schedules and its postponed yet again now. Apart from this i cant think of anything else... A cozy private dinner at home seems like the best option to me as of now! Will update if i come up with some brilliant plan, until then...... i leave you with this outfit! 

Look Of the Day : 

Slim and Fit

For the first time in my life i know what overweight people go through. All my life i've been thinner than thin. I've been a stick and an extremely depressed stick for that matter. Now that i've finally put on some weight and i (somewhat) resemble a human being, i've suddenly realised what it means to put on weight and to go on putting on weight. Now, am no where near my bench mark yet. Am still a little underweight, although it doesnt always show. Am fit now, but still have a long way to go. My stamina is better, my energy levels are better. So i should be happy right? Right?

Not quite. See i have this (old old old) pair of dark blue UMM jeans, a size 26, which was always loose for me. Yeah, i was 23 or 24 then.. told you i was a stick! Anyway now it fits me like a glove. So naturally my good old UMM is my current measuring tape. A perfect size 26. And i want to stop at that! All this while i have been concentrating so hard on gaining weight, and that too in the right way, not just by eating fatty foods (although pizzas and pastas have been the major contribution), that i never gave a thought about "What after that?" 

So my current mantra + obsession = Gain weight NOT inches. That 26 has got remain the same forever...err..!!!

All i need to do is figure out how.

I just finished half of the Baskin and Robin choclolate ice cream now. Its a must in summer. Always present in the fridge. Empty cartons are regularly and religiously replaced. Had a pizza yesterday evening because i couldnt think of anything to make at home. And the day before that, ate out, at a friend's party. I can only remember that far.

Feels good to admit your sins... Am not going to stop eating all these things, but i really want to include some protein rich food in my diet. I did that in the initial days of my am-going-to-gain-weight-no-matter-what phase. But once i reached a satisfactory point, i just stopped. 

So starting from today! 
1)Healthy eating with not-so-generous doses of junk food
2)Regular exercise 
3)Gain weight NOT inches

*Goes off to eat ice cream*

Look Of the Day :
It was a friend's bachelorette party and the theme was either black, white or black and white. Thought i'd pair black and white because they look great together. Then i thought i'd pair yellow and white because they look great together. I realised i dint have to pair anything because i had a perfect dress in black, white and yellow. My closet never fails to amaze me!

Anyway that was a big fat lie. I went shopping and searched high and low for anything black or white the previous day. 'Previous day' shopping always works for me but this time it dint. Then i found this pretty little thing hiding in my closet and *TaDaaa*

Very simple for a party... just the way i like it :)

p.s - Head over to ArtyHeart's blog to participate in the contest and win a fabulous summer clutch made by none other than the super creative and artistic Pranita

Contest open only until 8th June!

Inhumane abuse

Lavinia is 20 years old. She loves to laugh and listen to music. She enjoys gardening and she loves to talk about blackbirds and flowers. Simone is 18 years old. She is exuberant and strong-willed. Her favourite occupation is jumping on a trampoline, playing hula-hoop and cleaning. But whenever she tends to feel upset, she would lie on the floor and refuse to move and even try to tear up the carpet. 

When she talked Lavinia's vioce is slightly slurred because she has a personality disorder and learning disabilities. And Simone has a genetic disorder similar to Down's Syndrome. They were patients at Winterbourne View Hospital, in Hambrook, Bristol which offered assessment and intervention and support for people with learning disabilities and autism. 

And this is the story, an undercover report, of the horrors that actually went on in that place. 

Four people were arrested after secret filming, showed vulnerable adults at Winterbourne View, in Bristol, being slapped, dragged across the floor and taunted by the people who were supposed to be caring for them.

Reporter Joe Casey who went undercover as a care home assistant had a secret camera hidden in his button hole, which recorded all the barbaric activities of the “care givers" over there. He reveals his first-hand experiences of the suffering inflicted in the care home which led to the arrest of 3 men and one women.

"Just a few feet in front of me, Simone cowered in the corner of the shower, her arms over her head to protect herself from the care workers who had dragged her, fully clothed, beneath the jets of water. They took my silence for acquiescence, occasionally leering in my direction as they tossed shower gel at the 18-year-old, who has learning difficulties, and threw mouthwash into her eyes. I was torn between my instinct to protect the whimpering young woman in front of me and my desire, as an investigative journalist, to ensure I had enough evidence on film to bring her tormentors to justice."

Several months earlier, Panorama’s producers were approached by a whistle-blower (who was a former nurse in the care house) alleging terrible malpractice at the £3,500-a-week hospital for adults with learning disabilities and autism. With that information, reporter Joe Casey went undercover in order to uncover the truth. Within 2 weeks, he said, he had witnessed chaos and abuse worse that anything he’d expected.

On the hospital’s top floor, there was even a locked corridor with bedrooms down either side and a security system at both ends, with no CCTV and no guests allowed — no one, in fact, who might witness the suffering of the patients.

Wayne — the self-appointed leader of the gang of care workers, was a tall, heavy-set man, his neck, shoulders and arms covered by a giant tattoo of a woman with a tear on her cheek. He went on to “teach” Joe Casey the everyday tasks. Lavina had had a tendency to get quite aggressive — something that was rumoured to be related to a history of abuse. Wayne's plan was to get her out of bed in such a noisy, unpleasant way that she would turn into a screaming banshee. By exhausting all her anger, he said, she’d be easily manageable for the rest of the day. He began prodding her in the ribs, which then turned into a push and then a vigorous shake and within minutes she was screaming and enraged. After more jeering and prodding Lavinia was so distressed that she had torn off her clothes and was lying naked in the corridor, beating her head on the floor and kicking the walls. Later she tried to jump out the window but was luckily stopped

Joe says "That’s when I found her on her knees behind the sofa, sobbing. Wayne was talking to her. ‘I like watching you lot try to jump,’ he was saying. ‘When you hit the floor do you think you would have made a thud or a splat?’" . Wayne took Joe’s silence as acceptance, and it was easy to convince him and the others that he was on their side by just remaining silent.  

“Wayne thought I was a blank canvas, a potential disciple. He enjoyed explaining his methods of controlling patients, not realising how sick they sounded. The violence in some of the care workers’ language was grotesque.‘Do you want me to get out a cheese grater and grate your face off?’ I once heard Wayne say to Simone, the teenager he liked to torment. ‘Do you want me to turn you into a giant pepperoni? Shall I get a razor and cut you up?’

But it  was Simone who seemed to bear the brunt of Wayne’s cruelty. On that one terrible day that Joe claims “will haunt me forever”, three of the worst bullies were present and the first attack on Simone came at 9:20.

9:20 am - She was lying in the corridor with Graham(another “Care giver”) kneeling on her knees. She was screaming and nobody responded.

2:00pm – Simone was hunched in a corner of the shower with all her clothes on, and crying for her mother. ‘I warned you,’ a female care worker said, as she spurted shower gel into Simone’s face.

4:30pm – It was March and the temperature was hovering at around freezing point. She was sitting on the concrete with just a shirt and trousers on. Wayne had thrown a jug of cold water over her.
She screamed and pleaded with Wayne.

He pushed her to the floor again.

B*****d!’ she yelled. ‘I’m going to get the police on you.’

‘The police don’t care,’ he said.

Time passed and she lay on the floor shivering. Finally wayne dragged her in.

8:30 pm - Simone was lying in the corridor refusing to go to bed. To teach her a lesson, Graham and the female colleague who had attacked her in the shower decided to throw jugs of cold water in her face before turning on a cold electric fan to freeze her into complying.
Simone’s day finally ended in her bedroom, where four care workers pinned her to the floor — just to feed her a painkiller. When they’d finished, one of the workers picked up a vase of flowers left by Simone’s mother. Graham emptied the water over Simone’s head while his female colleague shoved the flowers into her face. Simone was too tired to cry.

“I’m not the crying type. But that day I walked away from work with my hands shaking and tears in my eyes. The closest I ever got to intervening — and possibly blowing my cover — was on Simone’s behalf."

This was not the end…

Wayne trapped Simone under a chair and sat on it for more than 30 minutes while he watched tv. If she cried, he would stamp on her hands. Another time he did the same thing, but rested the chairs legs, along with all his weight, on Simone’s bare flesh.

After five weeks of filming, they alerted the social service and the family members of patients. Also, they contacted Castlebeck, the private healthcare provider which owns Winterbourne View Hospital. Ironically, it was winner of the 2010 Healthcare 100 Best Employers Award. "When he was confronted with our damning evidence, the chief executive of Castlebeck, Lee Reed, told Panorama that he was ‘ashamed’ of what had gone on". But the appalling truth is that, before the investigation, whistle-blower Terry Bryan — a former nurse at the hospital — had written twice to Castlebeck management complaining about the attitude of support workers, saying that they appeared to enjoy restraining techniques. Nothing was done. 

Thankfully, Simone is now safe. Her parents, with the help of Social Services, removed her from Winterbourne View and found a new hospital.She is now settling in, seemingly unaware of the crucial role she played in bringing her tormentors to justice.This comes as little comfort to Simone’s devoted parents. Their daughter had told them she was being hit and kicked. Simone’s mother, not believing that anyone could be capable of harming her kind, loving daughter, had told her: ‘No Simone. That would not have happened. It would not be allowed.’

Read the original and full article with pictures here.


They are not 'Mentally Retarded'. They are just differently abled. That does not mean they can not be as loving and caring and intelligent as we are. Autistic people are even more sensitive to their surroundings that we are. They perceive things better than us. They just need a  helping hand, a comforting voice and some one to lean upon when times are tough and frustrating. They need to be taught and guided. They need to be shown the the right way of doing things, just like how you would teach a child. That does not mean they are helpless or that they are not capable. If dealt with in the right way, they can have as good a life as us. They are not wild animals that need to be beaten and screamed at to make them understand. They are mere human beings with abilities a little different than the rest of us. That does not make us extraordinary and them less-than ordinary. Stop using the word retarded. What was once used to describe a medical condition has now turned into mockery. They are just 'DIFFERENTLY ABLED' and much better at adapting to situations than most of us.

Money, Money, Money.... must be funny in the rich man's world..

I think, whoever said that money can't buy happiness, meant that money alone cant buy happiness. Imagine having millions of rupees and being the only human on this planet..... or..... something more realistic like.. having millions of rupees in a world where shops and malls and clothes do not exist. Would you be happy just living with a huge pile paper slips? Or even if you could buy all things that you adore, and you had no one to share that happiness with?

Or having money but not having any loved ones in your life to buy things for. What would you do if you dint have a mom and dad to surprise for their anniversary? Or a little nephew whom you could shower with gifts, friends for whom you could throw a party, a husband/wife for whom you couldn't buy every single thing in the world, no place called home which you can decorate, no dreams of opening that coffee shop or setting up a boutique. Whats the meaning of being filthy rich when you have none of these?

Its not just money that buys happiness. Its all these dreams on which you can spend money and the people for whom you can spend money that buys happiness.

We love to share. We want to share. Why else would we all be blogging? I could live with less money or even 'barely enough' money but NOT without all the things i mentioned above!

Look Of The Day :

Skirt - Max ; Shoes - Random shop in Sydney

Top - AND

Belt - Lifted from sis's wardrobe

Twirling away ;)