Holidays are always the most difficult times to be away from home. Right now I’ve reached a phase where I am just waiting for the course to finish so that I can go home. A monotony has set over the campus and I can see that almost everyone is feeling the same way.
For the first time in nine months I am missing home, missing my old routine where I could be as lazy as I wanted to be. I always love being busy, but for the first time it is getting to me. I feel mentally exhausted in-spite of having many mini vacations and weekend get-aways. And that’s because even though I am away, mentally I am constantly thinking about assignments, projects and classes. I don’t think I have completely let go and relaxed because I know that the vacation going to end and I would have to go back to the hectic schedule of classes and studies. Stupid I know. You need to live in the present. But the past, present and future here is too jam packed to “let go” that easily.
The question of “what next” still looms large over my head. I had the same question after finishing schooling and after graduation, but this time I thought I would see a crystal clear path. I couldn’t have been more wrong. There never is a clear path. There never is a certain, definite direction. There is no definite answer for success either. Hundreds around me are clamoring around for jobs… some job, any job that pays. I know I definitely don’t want to end up like that. But sometimes its hard to not get swayed by the masses around you. I need to hold my ground.. I have my dreams. I need to stop doubting them and start believing in them. So what if they are drastically different. So what if half of the crowd doesn’t even understand them. Its for me to understand and build upon them. For me to be happy.
This is going to be one of the most trying times for me. A real challenge. A real test. And there is no looking back.
Enough ranting? Yeah I thought so too!
Jeans : Lee
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